


the caves of kemeray

by graceinalbion



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, Protective Elyan, Protective Gwaine (Merlin), Protective Gwen (Merlin), Protective Knights (Merlin), Protective Lancelot (Merlin), agravaine being a fucking bastard, and getting the end he deserves, bad bitch gwen, bad bitch morgana, because fuck agravaine that slimy bastard, in love from the get go, lancelot&gwaine&merlin being best buds, leon appreciation, literally no slow burn at all, little bit of tragedy, lots of soppiness, merthur arguing, merthur bullying each other, merthur cringe, not slow burn, papa gaius, slimy perfectly describes agravaine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:55:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28429626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graceinalbion/pseuds/graceinalbion
Summary: 'There was a painful silence, almost worse than the stab wound in Merlin’s chest. He clenched a fistful of soil and tried to muster up the strength to just tell Arthur how he felt about him, how he’s felt about him for years, but the age-old doubts just kept pushing back. What if Arthur doesn’t feel the same way at all? What if it just makes him lose one of the best friends he’d ever had? What if it would mean he’d have to reveal his magic which could bring disaster in so many ways, both for himself and for Arthur? He couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t. '-All seems well when Arthur and Merlin return to Camelot after confessing their love to one another while hiding from mercenaries in the Darkling Woods - they are welcomed and congratulated by the knights, particularly Gwaine and Lancelot, and Gaius is waiting for Merlin with a bowl of his favourite onion soup. Yet the happiness and tranquility doesn't last long - soon, Arthur's stubborn reliance on his dear uncle and his hesitance to follow his heart is tearing the two apart, and he has to choose - Camelot, or Merlin.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 28





	1. confessions

**Author's Note:**

> i got this ff idea from a couple episodes in season 4, specifically the scene where merlin gets hit by a mercenary with a mace (in a servant of two masters) and arthur takes care of him and they have a little soppy lovelorn heart-to-heart which really should have ended with i love you so that's how i wrote it :) and then the rest is basically the secret sharer concept but in relation to merlin and arthur being boyfs. canon except morgana has already found aithusa and alator isn’t involved.  
> sorry if this is shit - it's my first fanfic i don't know what i'm doing! i hope some people like it though and that it's not too cringey (doubtful).

“You’re not going to die, Merlin. Don’t be such a coward.”  
Merlin leaned against the moss-covered log, his wound throbbing painfully, but the pain seemed to lessen slightly at Arthur’s words. A small smile played across Merlin’s face.  
“If I do die, will you call me a hero?”  
Arthur rolled his eyes.  
“Probably.”  
“But while I’m still alive I’m a coward.” Merlin protested.  
“That’s the way these things work I’m afraid. You get all the glory when you’re not around to appreciate it”  
Merlin scoffed and muttered “Unless you’re the king”.  
“Come on, it’s got to have some advantages”  
“You do have a very good servant” Merlin replied, grinning, which quickly turned into a grimace.  
“You’re right” said Arthur, staring at the damp earth. He started picking at the bark with his fingers, and Merlin heard him inhale quietly. “I do. A servant who is extremely brave, incredibly loyal to be honest, and not at all cowardly”  
Merlin looked down, feeling a red flush creep up his neck. He glanced up at Arthur, who looked like he was trying to find the willpower to say something else. After a moment, Arthur sighed, and closed his eyes.  
“Thank you for saving my life” Merlin said, though he knew what he actually wanted to say, and perhaps what Arthur did too. Was this really the night he would finally have the balls to own up to his feelings, like Gwaine and Lance had been telling him to all these years?  
“You’d do the same for me” Arthur replied awkwardly, as if he were forcing the words out.  
There was a painful silence, almost worse than the stab wound in Merlin’s chest. He clenched a fistful of soil and tried to muster up the strength to just tell Arthur how he felt about him, how he’s felt about him for years, but the age-old doubts just kept pushing back. What if Arthur doesn’t feel the same way at all? What if it just makes him lose one of the best friends he’d ever had? What if it would mean he’d have to reveal his magic which could bring disaster in so many ways, both for himself and for Arthur? He couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t.  
“Merlin?”  
Merlin heard Arthur say his name, gentler than he’d ever heard Arthur speak to him before. He looked up and found those mesmerising blue eyes that he knew so well gazing back at him, Arthur’s brow creased with a quiet determination.  
“Yeah?” Merlin whispered nervously.  
“I love you.”

***

“What?”  
“I love you, Merlin. I’m in love with you and I have been for a long time.”  
Merlin looked at him in shock. In all the scenarios and situations he’d planned out in his head of this moment, it had never gone quite like this. Arthur telling him he loved him? What?  
“Um… wow, uh- okay, I was not expecting that!”  
What the fuck was he saying? This is a disaster. He loves him more than anything else and yet the one time it’s perfect for him to finally tell Arthur, he doesn’t. He looked at Arthur’s face and saw crimson blotches start to appear on his cheeks and his fingers fidgeting anxiously when he suddenly stood up.  
“Right, well, that’s that then. I’ll go and… collect more firewood. You can get some rest. Back to Camelot tomorrow.”  
Merlin winced at the abrupt words, and swallowed, trying to get some courage and just say it. Arthur had been right in the first place – he was a total coward.  
Arthur turned around, about to stride off into the forest, when Merlin grabbed his arm.  
“Arthur, wait.”  
He slowly turned back to face Merlin, and Merlin noticed tears in his eyes.  
“Arthur… I don’t know why this is so hard. It just feels like I’ve had to keep secrets from you for so long and now I’m used to it, even though I hate it more than anything. I was just shocked, that’s all, but… what I really meant to say was I love you too.”  
Arthur closed his eyes momentarily and relief washed over his face.  
“For a long time.”, Merlin continued. “Maybe even since you saved my life getting that flower thing against your father’s orders - that was pretty hot. But seriously, I love you, Arthur. So so much.”  
Arthur smiled and, like in all of Merlin’s fantasies from before he’d even realized he was gay, leaned in to kiss him. Their lips met and Merlin brought his hands to cup Arthur’s cheeks while Arthur ran his hands up Merlin’s back. When they broke apart, Merlin held Arthur’s face in front of him and grinned.  
“Now that’s a good servant, eh?”  
Arthur chuckled and jabbed him in the ribs.  
“Don’t get too cocky Merls, I’m still your king, remember?”  
“Ah yes, my lord, I almost forgot” said Merlin, still with the biggest smile plastered across his face. “I shall forever obey your every order, sire, of course. Nothing but respect and obedience here.”  
“Come here, then”  
Merlin stepped forwards and kissed the man he’d loved for years again, more passionately this time, his hands running through Arthur’s messy blonde hair. They both fell to their knees and Arthur pulled Merlin on top of him.  
“Careful, sire, I’ve got to clean that armour later” Merlin panted.  
“Shh, Merlin” Arthur breathed, before pulling Merlin’s face towards his yet again.  
“I love you, Arthur. I love you I love you I love you I love you.”  
“I’ll love you forever, Merlin.”

***

When they returned to Camelot the next day, the journey having taken at least two hours longer after a few ‘breaks’ from horse-riding in the meadows they passed, everything felt different. Even if he still had one huge secret that he had to hide from Arthur, Merlin felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he could finally be a bit more himself, at least around Arthur anyway.  
Arthur’s thoughts were, for once, slightly more complicated. He couldn’t be happier that he’d finally had the guts to tell Merlin that he loved him and that miraculously Merlin felt the same (although who could blame him), but nevertheless he couldn’t help worrying about how the people would react to a relationship between their king and his manservant, and how people would treat Merlin. Being the king, at least he could chop people’s heads off if they did hurt Merl, but still…  
“Arthur! Arthur! Stop pretending to think and get your lazy arse of that horse so I can take her to the stables!”  
Arthur looked at Merlin exasperatedly.  
“Merlin, what was that you were saying last night about ‘only respect and obedience’ again?”  
“Yes, well, you had just told me you loved me so I had to be nice.”  
Arthur laughed loudly.  
“Is that so? Well, I guess you’ll be staying in your own rooms tonight if you were just being ‘nice’.”  
“Hmmph. We’ll see about that. Now get off that bloody horse!”  
***

Merlin walked along the castle corridor, back to his cosy room and hopefully to Gaius with some of his favourite soup. As he walked along, he heard heavy footsteps at the end of the corridor.  
“Merls, my love!”  
He looked up with a grin on his face and was greeted with matching grins on the faces of his favourite knights.  
“Ah, Sir Gwaine, Sir Lancelot! What a pleasure.”  
Gwaine pulled him into a headlock and Lancelot clapped him on the back.  
“We missed you, Merls! You and Arthur had us worried, we thought something had happened!” Lancelot exclaimed.  
“Aw, you do care!”  
“Why of course, my love.” Gwaine replied.  
Merlin pinched his cheek and went to walk with them back to his room when he heard Arthur’s voice behind him.  
“Merlin! I realized I forgot to give you…”  
His voice trailed off when he saw Lancelot and Gwaine by Merlin’s side.  
“Oh, you alright, boys? I was just coming to see you about training tomorrow.”  
Lancelot frowned slightly in confusion and Gwaine smirked and said, “What did you forget to give Merlin, Arthur?”  
“Hmm? Oh nothing, just my… breastplates for cleaning. Hang on a minute, Merlin.”  
Merlin tried to disguise a smile as Arthur struggled to undo his breastplates, Lancelot watching with confusion still written across his face.  
“Here, let me, my lord”  
Merlin stepped forward and Arthur turned around, facing away from the knights. As Merlin undid the clasp, he leaned forward close to Arthur’s ear.  
“Very smooth, sire” he whispered.  
“Oh, shut up Merlin.” Arthur said under his breath, smiling.  
“There you are sire! I’ll take these and go clean them now, shall I?”  
Arthur turned and nodded abruptly at Merlin.  
“Yes, alright. Be in my chambers with lunch in an hour.”  
“Of course.”  
As Arthur walked away, Merlin looked at Gwaine and Lancelot hesitantly.  
“Wha- that was weird.” Lancelot said, shaking his head.  
Gwaine just raised his eyebrows and smirked at Merlin.  
“Yes, Merlin, that was a bit weird, wasn’t it? I wonder why that was.”  
“No reason. Don’t you have sword practise to get to or something?”  
“Nope. Nothing to do at all.”  
“Okay, enough, can someone please explain what’s going on?” Lancelot protested.  
Gwaine stared at Merlin.  
“Yeah, Merlin, what’s going on? Anything happen after you and Arthur got separated from us in the forest?”  
Merlin rolled his eyes.  
“Okay, fine. Come in here for a second, and Gwaine please wipe that infuriating smirk off your face.”

***

“Hang on… so you mean to tell me that Arthur told you he loved you? And you said it back? And it all happened far away from this castle and me and Lance who have been waiting for that moment for years and years?”  
Gwaine and Lancelot crossed their arms in unison and stared at Merlin.  
“Oh shut up. I did it, didn’t I? I finally told him I loved him!”  
Gwaine stayed still for a moment, then his face broke into a grin and he pulled Merlin into a hug.  
“Yeah, you did. I’m so happy for you Merls!”  
Lancelot smiled and wrapped his arms around them both.  
“Me too, Merl. You and Arthur are meant for each other.”

*** 

“Merlin! Thanks goodness, I was worried sick! Where have you been?”  
Gaius hurried over to Merlin and hugged him and Merlin chuckled.  
“Nothing to worry about, old man, just a little pointy metal ball to the chest.”  
Gaius looked up at Merlin, his eyes wide.  
“What? Oh, you stupid boy, why didn’t you come straight back to me? Come here, come, come so I can look at it.”  
He pulled Merlin over to the table and pushed him down on the stool while trying to tug his shirt off so he could look at the wound.  
“Gaius, it’s alright, I promise! Arthur looked after me, and we just got a night’s rest in the forest before heading back to the citadel.”  
Gaius stopped what he was doing and raised one of his eyebrows.  
“Oh, Arthur looked after you, did he? Has he trained as a physician since I last saw him?”  
“No,” Merlin said, rolling his eyes, “He was actually pretty good with it. Nice change from me having to save his life every other day”  
“You two.” Gaius said, laughing under his breath and shaking his head.  
“What?”  
“Nothing, nothing. Here, eat, I made you your favourite soup.”  
“Thanks Gaius” Merlin smiled and pulled the bowl towards him hungrily. “It smells delicious.”  
He gulped it down in seconds and was scraping the bowl when he remembered what Arthur had said.  
“Gaius, what time is it?  
“About 1, Merlin. Do you have somewhere to be?”  
“Arthur. All work, no play for some of us Gaius!”  
“I’m sure.” Gaius scoffed.  
Merlin jogged down to the kitchens to collect Arthur’s lunch plate but when he got there the cook said that someone had already been down to collect it. Confused, he grabbed a couple bread rolls and slices of ham and headed to Arthur’s chambers which he found empty. He lay down on the bed and sighed melodramatically.  
“Merlin! There you are. About time!”  
Merlin twisted round to see Arthur walking in with his hands behind his back.  
“Well, sorry! The cook said someone had taken your food!”  
“Ah, yes, that would be me.”  
From behind his back he pulled out a picnic basket and blankets and placed them on the table.  
“I prepared us a picnic.” he declared proudly.  
“Wow, Arthur, I never took you for the romantic kind”  
“What are you doing on my bed?”  
“Nothing, sire, but I must say it’s very comfy.”  
He spread his legs out and hugged one of the pillows that smelled so strongly of Arthur, who strode over to him and tried to drag him off the bed with Merlin clinging onto the frame for dear life.  
“So much for the romance!” Merlin yelled.  
“Yes, well, I decide when you get in this bed and now is the time for a picnic!”  
Merlin let go and he slid to the floor. Arthur pulled him up and said “Come on, Merl. Into the forest we go!”

***

When they found a nice clearing out of sight from the castle, Merlin jumped off his horse and started getting everything ready. He was reaching for the picnic blankets when Arthur touched his wrist.  
“You know, Merlin, you probably don’t have to do everything for me anymore.”  
“Is that so? Do you even know how to unroll a picnic blanket?”  
“Uh, yes.” Arthur said, snatching the blankets from Merlin’s hands. “In fact, leave everything to me. You just sit your pretty arse down and watch me wow you with my domestic skills.”  
Merlin raised his hands in mock surrender.  
“Alright, alright! Setting up a picnic is a very hard task; I hope you can manage it “ he smirked.  
“Shush, you.”  
Merlin sat back and watched as Arthur slowly began to get everything out of the horses’ packs. Just as he was starting to think that Arthur wasn’t as helpless as he thought, Arthur yelled out his name.  
“Merlin come here! How the hell do you open this thing?” Arthur muttered.  
Merlin walked over to Arthur who was stood over the picnic blankets clutching the basket that he’d supposedly made up himself only an hour before.  
“God, you really are useless, aren’t you?” Merlin sighed, smiling. “Come on, give it here.”  
Arthur breathed out in relief and stretched out on the blanket.  
“Yeah, that’s right, you just relax princess”  
Arthur kicked out a leg and tripped Merlin up so that he fell on top of him. Merlin laughed and shook his head.  
“Hey, I thought we were having a picnic?”  
“That can wait.” Arthur said and he grabbed Merlin’s face and kissed him. Even after only a day, being like this with Arthur felt so natural already, like it had always been inevitable, and Merlin couldn’t help but feel just a little bit hopeful. If they both had the courage to admit they were in love, if Arthur truly loved Merlin, surely that meant he could finally tell Arthur about his magic and he wouldn’t have to hide anything anymore.


	2. the traitor

Two weeks had passed since that fateful day in the woods, and Arthur was lying on his bed with his head resting on Merlin’s stomach, Merlin stroking his hair gently. He thought back to their conversation on the picnic, when Arthur had asked Merlin if they could keep the relationship secret for a while until he knew for sure he had the love and trust of the people. He couldn’t help but feel guilty – he had been the one to tell Merlin he loved him first, and yet here he was asking him to hide it! Merlin had seemed fine with the idea at the time – in fact, they were both excited by the idea of sneaking around and late-night rendezvous and pretending to be reading poetry if Leon caught them again (well, Arthur hadn’t been too thrilled with that idea) but every time Arthur had to lie or act differently towards Merlin when they were around others or in public, he noticed Merlin get quieter and often excuse himself to do chores that he normally would do anything to get out of. At least they both had the knight’s confidence – despite Gwaine and Percival’s constant teasing, he was happy that there were people he trusted who he and Merlin could act like themselves around.  
Arthur sat up and leaned forward to kiss Merlin who held his hand to Arthur’s cheek and smiled into the kiss. Suddenly, the doors to Arthur’s bedroom were thrown open and Agravaine came striding in.  
“Arthur there is a matter of great urgency I- “  
He stopped in his tracks and Merlin and Arthur jumped apart as if they’d been electrocuted. Merlin started frantically making the bed and Arthur stood still with his hands by his side.  
“Uncle! To what do I owe this pleasure?” Arthur said, with a forced smile.  
“Sire, I- I wonder whether I could have a word with you about something? It’s a rather distressing matter.”  
“Yes of course, uncle, go ahead”  
“It perhaps would be better if we spoke alone, Arthur”, he said, looking at Merlin with disdain.  
Arthur hesitated for a moment, then spoke abruptly.  
“Merlin, you can go.”  
Merlin walked towards the door.  
“Of course, sire.”  
Arthur noticed a slight thickness in his voice and squirmed with guilt. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could ask Merlin to hide their relationship without losing him.  
Agravaine watched Merlin leave and close the door then turned to Arthur with a vaguely regretful yet, at the same time, almost sly look upon his face.  
“What is it you wished to speak to me about Uncle?”  
Agravaine approached Arthur slowly.  
“I trust you remember that we suspected there to be a traitor in our midst, Arthur?”  
Arthur frowned.  
“Yes, of course, Uncle, but we ruled everyone out. The knights are incredibly loyal to me and to Camelot and I would bet my life that none of them are the traitor.”  
“Yes, I agree Arthur, the knights are most dutiful,” Agravaine said, and sighed, “but there is one avenue that you dismissed before proper consideration.”  
Arthur turned away, shaking his head.  
“If you’re talking about Gaius – “  
“Sire, I know you trust him. He’s always seemed like a good and faithful servant to both you and Uther but don’t forget, he has practised magic in the past and he even found the sorcerer that murdered your father!”  
“I know all of that, Uncle, and I don’t pretend not to have questioned Gaius loyalties on several occasions in the past but this is not one of them. Gaius has moved on from his old ways and he's cared for me like a father since I was a boy! I trust him.”  
“There is something else, sire.”  
Arthur turned to look at Agravaine, confused, as he handed him a book entitled ‘Witchcraft, Sorcery and Magic’.  
“I took the liberty of searching Gaius’ room this morning, sire. I’m terribly sorry that I didn’t consult you first but I didn’t think you would authorise such a search without much proof. It seems I was right, though I desperately wish I wasn’t.”  
He pushed the book into Arthur’s hands and Arthur stared at it in shock, attempting to order his thoughts. Could Gaius truly be the traitor? Surely, if he studied magic under a king who banned it, he must have been inclined to take Morgana’s side? But Gaius had always sworn he would never return to his past and had never betrayed Arthur before, at least not that he knew of. And even if he wasn’t the traitor, how could he get round the fact that Gaius was surely breaking Camelot’s most scared law by practising magic, if not at least keeping relics of the Old Religion? He had to talk to him.

***

Arthur was leaning against the back wall of the throne room deep in thought when Agravaine came striding in, accompanied by Gaius flanked by two Camelot guards.  
“Arthur? Why have I been brought here in such a manner?” demanded Gaius.  
Arthur opened his mouth to answer, but couldn’t make a sound before Agravaine jumped in.  
“Forgive us, Gaius, we didn’t mean to take you by surprise. We just wanted to ask you a few questions. Please sit down.”  
He gestured towards the seat furthest from the throne where Gaius sat down hesitantly. Agravaine took out the book he had shown Arthur and placed it in front of Gaius.  
“We found this book in your room only this morning. What was it doing there?”  
Gaius’ eyes widened slightly in shock and he looked up at Arthur who still stood in the shadows at the back of the throne room, avoiding Gaius’ gaze.  
“Sire, I have never seen this book before.”  
“Then who do you suggest put it in your room?” Agravaine persisted.  
He turned his gaze towards Agravaine.  
“I do not know. Perhaps someone was trying to set me up.” Gaius replied, staring hard into Agravaine’s eyes that held a trace of discomfort.  
“Perhaps, perhaps. Then how did you know the sorcerer who killed Uther?”  
Gaius frowned.  
“I did not know him personally.”  
“No, I suppose not. How did you know of his whereabouts then?”  
“I –“ Gaius said, then fell silent. “I... was told of the place he might be found, but I’m afraid I can’t say who my informant was.”  
Arthur looked at Gaius for the first time and saw a flicker of unease in his face.  
“Do you believe magic is evil, Gaius?” Agravaine said.  
Gaius paused.  
“It is against the law.”  
“But do you agree with the king that it is evil, Gaius?”  
“I… yes.”  
Agravaine had a small, satisfied smile on his face, and suddenly he stood up.  
“That will be all, Gaius. Thank you, you have been most helpful.”

***

Merlin woke up the next morning to the deafening sound of the castle alarm bells. He dragged himself out of bed and started pulling his clothes on blearily.  
“Gaius? What’s going on?” he called. No answer.  
“Gaius?” Merlin said, leaving his room, “Do you know what the alarm is…”  
He fell silent when he saw that the room was empty. Several smashed potion bottles and bowls lay neglected on the floor. All of a sudden, the door burst open and Agravaine was leading Camelot guards into the room.  
“Merlin, go raise Arthur and tell him to meet me in the throne room.”  
“What’s going- “  
“Now, please.”  
Merlin raced out of the room to Arthur’s chambers and pushed open the doors. Arthur was already up, sitting at his desk with his eyes half-closed.  
“Arthur! Didn’t you hear the alarm? You need to come to the throne room, Agravaine wants you.”  
Arthur grunted and rested his head on the desk. Merlin strode over to him and dragged him up.  
“Arthur! This - is – important! Hurry up, you lazy clotpole.”  
He shoved Arthur’s arms into his jacket and pushed him into the corridor.  
“Alright, alright, I’m awake” Arthur mumbled, struggling to put one foot in front of the other.  
Eventually, they reached the throne room after Merlin had poured several unwelcome glasses of water over Arthur’s head. He slumped in the nearest chair and leaned gratefully against the back rest.  
“God, you really are a lazy arse. Do you know how early I have to get up every morning so I can do all your chores? Too early. Definitely too early for you to function. Useless.” Merlin muttered mutinously, Arthur completely ignoring him. At last, Agravaine arrived with an air of arrogant satisfaction about him.  
“Sire, Gaius has fled in the night.”  
Arthur jerked awake and cricked his neck from turning so fast to look at his uncle.  
“I’m sorry?”  
“Gaius has run away. He must have known he acted suspiciously when we questioned him and fled before we could find any more evidence.”  
“Are you sure he ran? He may have been kidnapped!”  
As if on cue, Leon came racing into the grand room.  
“My lord, a horse has been taken from your stables… and a townsman reports seeing Gaius leave the citadel on horseback last night.” Leon blurted, glancing guiltily at Merlin.  
Merlin shook his head and stared at the ground silently.  
“You see, my lord?” Agravaine said almost boastfully, “Gaius betrayed us. He practises magic and he supports Morgana, though it pains me to say it. He must have run away to her protection.”  
“I’ve heard enough. Leave me.”

Arthur pushed open the throne room doors and strode out, desperate for some fresh air. He couldn’t believe it. Gaius. One of his father’s most loyal servants and friends, a kind and trustworthy guardian to Arthur and practically Merlin’s father. How could he be the betrayer? There was no way. And yet all the evidence was pointing in that direction – his hasty departure in the middle of the night, skirting around the answers to all of Agravaine’s questions about magic and the book of spells found in his room. Gaius had been the traitor.  
“Arthur! Arthur!”  
He heard Merlin yelling his name, running after him down the corridor. Arthur almost couldn’t bear to face him because he knew exactly what he’d say - Arthur was condemning the one person Merlin had always had as a guardian, a father figure, a friend. He turned around to see Merlin jogging towards him.  
“Arthur.” Merlin breathed, panting heavily. “Arthur, you don’t seriously believe all that, do you?”  
Arthur looked down at his feet.  
“Merlin, you saw the evidence. Gaius fled as soon as we questioned him, let alone the book of sorcery my uncle found. Gaius must be the traitor.”  
Merlin was silent. Arthur forced himself to look up and met Merlin’s narrowed eyes. His gaze felt like it penetrated Arthur, seeing whether he believed his own words or not.  
“Arthur,” Merlin said quietly. “I would know. Gaius is not the traitor.”  
“He has to be, Merl. I’m so sorry, I know how much he meant to you, how much he meant to all of us, but I don’t see any other options.”  
“Agravaine is the traitor, Arthur.”  
A frustrated frown creased Arthur’s brow.  
“Merlin, it’s Gaius, I’m sorry. I thought it might have been Agravaine for a moment, but he reminded me of how much he despises Morgana and everything to do with magic. It killed his sister, remember?”  
“It’s Agravaine! You have to believe me Arthur. He hated Uther because he blamed him for killing Ygraine, and now he hates you too. I know you trust him and I know he seems loyal and caring and one of the last people you have left, but you have me Arthur. I love you, and I would never lie to you.”  
Arthur shook his head gently.  
“Merlin, I’m so sorry. You know I love you and I never wanted to do this to you or to Gaius, but it must be the truth. Gaius betrayed all of us.”  
He reached out to take Merlin’s hand, but Merlin jerked it away from him, and met his eyes with a stony glare.  
“If you loved me, you’d trust me, Arthur. Gaius would never do this.”  
Arthur watched helplessly as Merlin walked away and broke into a run at the end of the corridor. He didn’t know what to do. How could Agravaine be the traitor? True, he had doubted him for a while, but he was so sure that he hated everything to do with magic, and his loyalty to Camelot and to Arthur always seemed so strong. If he believed Agravaine, though, he might lose Merlin for good. He had to choose – Agravaine and Camelot, or Merlin.


	3. words can't be unsaid

Merlin ran back to his room, tears dripping down his cheeks. When he got there, he began pacing frantically, his mind going to a hundred different places yet every single one making him want to scream. Arthur trusted his uncle over him and he still saw the possession of any sort of magical item worthy of condemnation. How could he have ever thought that Arthur would change? How could he have ever expected Arthur to love him as the person he truly was?

Red hot anger burned across his skin, flushing his delicately pale cheeks a dark crimson. He slammed his fists against the wall and wanted to tear out all the loyalty and longing and love for Arthur inside himself and watch it writhe and shrivel slowly on the ground. Arthur refused to look past his fear of magic and trust the one person who would do anything for him, while Gaius, who’d looked after Arthur from the day he was born, had been taken and could be hurt or even- or even dying.

Gaius. He had disappeared without so much as a note and Merlin knew that never in a million years would Gaius do that to him. Now, he could be anywhere. It had to be some plot of Morgana’s, and by association, Arthur’s greasy, cowardly, traitorous uncle, Agravaine. But why would they take Gaius? Perhaps Morgana thought he could be used as bait? But that didn’t make sense, because then why would Agravaine set Gaius up to look like the traitor? What did Gaius have that Morgana needed…? In a flash, it came to him. Emrys. Agravaine knew that Gaius knew who Emrys was and therefore so did Morgana. Gaius had been captured and was probably being horribly tortured, for him. 

Merlin couldn’t stand it any longer. Everything was spiralling inside his head and it felt like all that was good was falling apart again. Was it only yesterday that he thought everything was finally coming together? It felt like years ago. He had to talk to someone, someone he could always rely on, so he headed down to the lower town.

***

“Gwen!” Merlin shouted, banging on the wooden door, “Gwen, are you home?”

The door opened suddenly and Gwen stood looking alarmed in its frame. She took in Merlin’s dishevelled appearance and bloodshot eyes and her alarm grew.

“Merlin! Are you alright? What’s wrong?”

A tear slipped down his face as he struggled to speak.

“Oh, come here.” Gwen said and hugged him tightly. They stood like that for a while, Merlin breathing deeply into her shoulder to calm himself down.

“Come on, Merlin, come and sit down for a minute.” Gwen said, letting go of him and ushering him inside. Merlin slumped at her table and closed his eyes. Gwen sat next to him and gripped his hand tightly.

“Merlin, what’s happened? Is it Arthur?” she asked gently.

“Gaius. He’s been taken and Arthur thinks he’s ran away because he’s the traitor so he won’t send forces out to look for him and he won’t listen to me or trust me and I don’t know what to do, Gaius could be hurt or even- even dead and how am I supposed to find him I just-“

“Merlin. Breathe. It’s going to be okay; we’ll figure this out, alright?”

Merlin jumped up.

“How is it going to be alright, Gwen? The one person who- whose always been there for me no matter what and whose looked after me all these years has been taken and it’s MY FAULT! How can Arthur do this to me? To Gaius? And now I know for sure he’d hate me if he knew… if he knew I had magic. He’d hate me.” 

“Merlin! Stop it!” She stood up and tilted his face up so that their eyes met. “Do you still not see it? Arthur loves you more than anyone else, and if and when you feel ready to tell him about your magic, I promise you he wouldn’t love you any less. He has a good heart, Merlin, even though he makes the wrong choices sometimes.”

Merlin pulled away from her and sat down heavily. Gwen sighed and put her arm around him gently.

“We’ll work this out, Merlin. Let’s worry about Arthur later, he’ll realize he’s the luckiest man alive to have you soon. We’ll find Gaius, okay?

Merlin gave an infinitesimal nod and leant his head on Gwen’s shoulder.

“Thank you, Gwen. Sorry for snapping.”

“That’s alright Merlin.”

***

Arthur walked out into the rain to training, feeling like a hundred knights were already waging war inside his head. A heavy cloud of guilt followed him into the armoury and back out to the training area, accompanied by a stinging conviction that he must be right about Gaius because there were no other options. Unless Merlin was right… No, he couldn’t think about that now, he had to concentrate on getting the knights ready. The last few patrols had been attacked by who knows who and he needed as many men as he could get if it turned out to be Morgana, although he wasn’t sure what use force would be anymore against her.   
As he neared the knights, they were all muttering amongst themselves.

“Elyan, just don’t bring it up, alright?” Lancelot said under his breath.

“But we need to help- “

“I know, I want to help him too, but just leave it for now. Just say Gwaine’s still hurt from the jousting-“

“Arthur!” Percival exclaimed, smiling awkwardly. The other knights whipped round and all plastered on the same forced smile.

“There you are Arthur! We were wondering where you’d got to.” Lancelot said, slapping Arthur on the arm in a very un-lancelot way. Arthur’s mind went into fast-forward – had Merlin talked to them already? Was that what they were being so secretive about? Or had something happened to Gwaine?

“Is everything alright boys?” he asked.

“Yeah, of course, sire” Percival replied. “Gwaine’s couldn’t come down though, he’s still- “

“Have you seen Merlin?” Elyan interrupted, eyes narrowed.

“Elyan!” Lancelot protested.

Oh. So it was about that. He looked down at the ground uncomfortably and then looked up with the same strained smile they’d worn when they saw him. 

“No, not today. Probably in the tavern again!” Arthur paused. The knights were all looking at him with that expectant look now. “He’s a bit upset about Gaius, I think.”

“You think?” Percival said. “Arthur, Gaius is practically his father and you’re accusing him of treason and betrayal!”

Elyan nudged Lancelot. 

“See, I’m not the only one.” he murmured.

“Oh, shut up. Arthur, look, you know how much Gaius means to Merlin and how much you mean to him as well and to have you, the person who just told him he loved him, send the other away is just – “

“Look, Arthur” Leon interrupted. “What we’re trying to say is that we don’t have all the facts yet and-“

“Yeah, you don’t know for sure that Gaius is the traitor-

“He could just have gone on a trip!”

“Or been taken!”

“And Merlin’s so upset- “

“He didn’t really tell us what was going on so Gwaine-

“You just told him you loved him, Arthur!”

“Yeah, I said that, Elyan-“

“Alright!” Arthur yelled. “Alright, I get it! None of you think Gaius is the traitor. Well, I think he is. I cared for Gaius like a father and I wish he was here to explain, but he’s not, is he? And obviously I love Merlin but that doesn’t mean I can put him before the safety of the entire kingdom, does it? Does it?”

The knights stood slightly abashed with their eyes looking anywhere but Arthur. Only Lancelot continued to gaze at Arthur with a curious expression. 

“What, Lance?” Arthur sighed.

“Nothing, sire.” He replied. “Just… just don’t be too hasty. And maybe give Merlin some space.”

“Yes alright, you’ve all made your opinions very clear. Now, are we all going to stand around gossiping about my issues or are we actually going to train?”

They slowly trudged into a line as Arthur unsheathed his sword, their words still ringing around his head. He didn’t know what to do.

***

“Gwaine! Finally. Have you seen Merlin?”

Arthur stood in the doorway of the armoury, trying to peer round Gwaine’s shoulder to spot Merlin. He’d completely ignored Lance’s instructions and had been yelling Merlin’s name all over the castle fruitlessly for hours since training. He’d even visited the tavern to see if he was there, with no luck, obviously. 

Gwaine moved to block Arthur’s view into the armoury.

“I don’t know, sire, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to see you.”

“Gwaine, come on, I just want to talk to him.”

“No, Arthur. I’m helping Merlin find Gaius. He doesn’t need your excuses.”

“Gwaine-“

“Gwaine, it’s alright.” Merlin emerged from the armoury and placed a hand on Gwaine’s shoulder. “I’ll meet you in Gaius’s study in a bit.”

“You sure?” Gwaine asked.

“Yep. I’ll see you later.” Merlin half-smiled and watched Gwaine leave, then turned round, ignoring Arthur, and sat down on the bench.

“Merlin, I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to do. I guess I just… I wanted you to know that I get it. It’s hard to accept when someone you love betrays you. When I found out about Morgana-“

Merlin was by the armoury door when Arthur looked up and stopped talking.

“Merlin, where are you going? Can you just sit down and talk to me?”

He whirled around and Arthur was shocked by the utter fury in his eyes.

“You know, Arthur, I thought for a moment that you’d seen sense. That you’d realized that you can trust me above anyone else. That you were making a huge mistake. But clearly, you haven’t, so no, I don’t want to talk anymore. I need to find Gaius. In fact, I don’t want to see you anymore.” Merlin’s voice cracked slightly on his last words, and he turned back around. “Hire yourself a new servant.” he muttered as he left.

Arthur was paralysed on the spot for a moment, completely taken aback at the enraged finality with which Merlin was speaking. He shook himself as he saw Merlin walking away for the second time that day and lunged forward to grab his arm.

“Merlin, come on, you know I’m just trying to do what’s best for Camelot. My father would have-“

“That’s the exact problem, Arthur!” Merlin shouted. “You’re just trying to do what your father would have done! You’re blinded by his hatred and fear but that’s not you, Arthur! Don’t let him control you. He was a brute. A merciless, murdering tyrant who’d stop at nothing to destroy anything that was different, anything that he couldn’t control. He killed so many innocent people, Arthur, and yet you can’t see it! It scares me. I don’t want you to be like him. Gaius doesn’t practise magic and most definitely isn’t the traitor, but even if that book of sorcery was his, why does it matter? Magic isn’t evil, it’s how you choose to use it. I wish you could see that Arthur.”

Arthur stood there for a moment, staring at Merlin with eyes like stone. ‘he was a brute… merciless…murdering…tyrant… I don’t want you to be like him’… the words swam and dived through his mind and through a haze of confusion and anger he heard a cold, alien voice come out of his mouth.

“How dare you say that about my father. He was the strongest king this land has ever known and only did what he had to do to maintain control and stop magic corrupting this land, and you, a servant, stand there and tell me that he was a tyrant, a brute?” No, stop, what was he doing? This isn’t what he wanted to say, not ever, yet the words kept falling from his tongue. “Magic is the most evil force in these lands and it has done nothing but destroy. Gaius betrayed me with that book, and by not condemning magic, and by running away. He betrayed Camelot. I’ve let him flee because I didn’t want to hurt you but after what you just said- I should- “

He fell silent when he realized the room was empty. Merlin had left. Again. 

What had he done?


	4. to the caves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry its taking me so long to write the last chapter - i promise i'm almost done!!

Gwaine was pacing up and down Gaius’ study, straining his ears for any sound of Merlin’s return.

“Gwaine, will you please sit down? You’re making me even more stressed.” Gwen said, rubbing her temple.

“I’m worried! I swear I heard Merlin yelling.”

“We’re all worried, Gwaine, but what Merlin and Arthur need is for us to give them space and help find Gaius so that this whole mess can be sorted out!”

Gwaine sat down reluctantly on a stool and started tearing off bits of bread from a nearby loaf and stuffing it in his mouth. Gwen rolled her eyes and pulled the scraggly bit of cloth towards her that lay on the table.

“Right, so here’s what we’ve got. A piece of cloth covered in some sort of sedative that was obviously used to knock Gaius out, because we know he didn’t run away. A townsman claims he saw him fleeing on a castle horse-“

“Little bastard” Gwaine muttered.

“He was just saying what he saw.”

“Could’ve been paid off” Gwaine said, spraying saliva and breadcrumbs everywhere. Gwen wrinkled her nose in disgust and looked down at the parchment she was scribbling their thoughts on.

“Well, yes, there is that. Merlin never trusted Agravaine so he could have had something to do with it.”

Gwaine gave a grunt of agreement.

“Then there’s the book of sorcery…” Gwen hesitated. She wasn’t sure whether Gwaine knew about Merlin’s secret so magic was a bit of a sketchy topic.

“Yeah, well, could’ve been planted, but then it could be Merlin’s as well. What with his magic and everything.” Gwaine said.

Well that cleared that up then.

“Hang on…” Gwaine said, eyes widening. “You do know, right?” 

Gwen rolled her eyes yet again.

“Yes, Gwaine, but you should be more careful. It’s not our secret to tell, is it?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

The door burst open and Merlin came in, breathing fast and his cheeks flushed red. Gwaine recognised that look. He began to pace just like Gwaine had been doing, his fists clenched tightly by his side but oddly with his right index finger pointing out and covered with some sort of red dust. 

“Merl…?” Gwaine said.

His head jolted up in surprise.

“What happened, Merlin?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Merlin snapped. “What are you doing here?”

“We want to help, Merlin.” Gwen said hesitantly, “We’ve been trying to work out what happened to Gaius.”

Merlin’s eyes softened and his fingers uncurled.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Have you found anything?”

“We found this.” Gwaine held up the pungent cloth which Merlin took and sniffed. He looked a bit woozy for a second and Gwaine reached his arms out to steady him.

“Chloroform.” Merlin said. “Gaius has some, I think. Heavy anaesthetic or something” 

A look of miserable realization dawned on his face. 

“Well that’s that then. He was kidnapped.”

Gwaine wrapped his arm across Merlin’s shoulders.

“We could show this to Ar-” 

“No.” Merlin said immediately, pulling away from them.

“But-“

“I said no, Gwen.”

Her eyes met Gwaine’s desperately and he shrugged half-heartedly. They must have had another fight and Gwaine wasn’t surprised that Merlin was so angry. Arthur really could be a complete idiot sometimes.

“Look,” said Merlin, “I don’t talk about Arthur right now, alright?”

They hesitated, then nodded together.

“I went into Agravaine’s room on the way back – don’t worry, he wasn’t there – and I found this on the bottom of his boots” 

Merlin thrust out his index finger towards them, and Gwaine examined the red dust coating it. He felt like a light switched on behind his eyes because, thank god, he knew exactly what that dust was and exactly where to find it. The Caves of Kemeray.

***

Leon found Arthur in the armoury, his head in his hands. 

“Sire?”

Arthur lifted his head and Leon saw his eyes were slightly bloodshot. 

“Are you alright, sire?”

“Yes, I’m fine, Leon.” Arthur sighed. He patted Leon on the arm and began to walk out.

“Sire?”

“Yes?” Arthur said as he looked back.

“Just so you know, we’ve had reports saying that the townsman who sighted Gaius leaving the citadel was in the tavern all night, my lord. “ Leon hesitated, then continued. “I’m not saying that it proves or disproves anything but… just be careful, Arthur. It’s difficult to know who to trust.”

Arthur looked into his old friend’s earnest eyes and nodded, trying to push back biting memories of what he’d said to Merlin barely an hour before.

“Thank you, Leon.”

He held out his arm and Leon grasped his forearm. 

“Me and the knights would go to the ends of the earth for you, Arthur. Remember that.”

Arthur let out a slightly bitter laugh but squeezed Leon’s arm.

“I know.”

***

Just as Gwaine, Merlin and Gwen were packing food, water and the few clues they had, Lancelot walked in.

“Lance!” Gwaine said.

“What’s the plan then?” he said in reply, striding towards them. Merlin chuckled lightly.

“Always up for an adventure with a high chance of death, aren’t you Lance?”

“Why of course. Anything for you, Merl.”

Merlin grinned and ruffled his hair. Lancelot pushed him back playfully.

“So what is the plan?”

" I found some sort of red dirt on the sole of Agravaine's boot, and Gwaine says it's iron ore, from the caves under the ridge of Kemeray. It's not much, but it's the best bet we've got at finding Gaius."

"Let's see this dirt then."

Merlin showed Lancelot the little of the red stuff that remained on his finger as Gwaine put a hand to his chest.

"You don't trust me, Lance?" he said, feigning hurt.

"No. But you are right, it's definitely iron ore. When are we setting off?"

“’Fraid you won’t be coming with us, Lance. Cause I’m Merlin’s favourite.”

“Shut up, Gwaine.” Merlin said, “Lancelot, we need you to stay, actually. Come up with a cover story other than ‘they’re all in the tavern’ as Gaius would say – they never believe that.”

“And when you say ‘they’…”

Merlin looked away briefly.

“Yeah, the knights and… and Arthur, obviously.”

“Alright, Merlin, I will. Are you sure you don’t want me to come?”

“Yeah, sorry Lance. We don’t want to attract too much attention leaving the city. Plus Gwen can look after herself and this one’s enough of a burden,” he said, gesturing to Gwaine, “Don’t wanna have to protect you the whole time, eh?”

“Oh, shut up.” Lancelot said, laughing, “Alright, I’ll cover for you. Be careful, though? If Arthur’s not with you, don’t forget to use those special talents of yours.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” Merlin said, smiling, though the reminder that he still couldn’t show his magic around Arthur made his fists clench.

Lancelot hugged Gwen tightly. 

“Look after these idiots, won’t you?” he muttered.

“I will.” she replied, kissing his cheek.

Lancelot turned to Gwaine, planted a kiss on his forehead and then hugged him too.

“Gay.” Gwaine said, pulling him closer. Lancelot grinned and shook his head into Gwaine’s shoulder.

Then finally, Lancelot wrapped his arms around Merlin, his hand in Merlin’s dark hair. 

“He loves you, Merlin.” he whispered. Merlin made an unconvinced sound in reply.

“It’ll all work out, alright?” Lancelot said, pulling away and holding Merlin’s face in front of him.

“Yeah, alright.”

Lancelot ruffled his hair and walked backwards towards the door.

“Be careful, you three. I’ll see you and Gaius tomorrow, yeah?”

Merlin nodded, and Lancelot walked out the door. Time to visit the Caves.

***

Four hours later, the trio were through the Darkling Woods and standing on the edge of the ridge of Kemeray. Miles beneath them, Gaius was being tortured by the last High Priestess for information about Emrys, the most powerful sorcerer to have ever walked the earth, while the very same sorcerer sat on a chestnut brown mare above him feeling utterly hopeless. He wished he could ignore Arthur’s words and focus on what was most important in that moment – Gaius – but he couldn’t help thinking that if he had made no impact on Arthur’s view of magic, what use was he at all? If the one thing he was born to do he had completely failed, and the one person he’d killed and bled and sacrificed for hated him and his kind, how could he possibly be the greatest sorcerer to have walked the earth? He’d never felt so helpless.

“Merlin. Merlin!”

Gwaine’s voice penetrated through Merlin’s heavy self-deprecation and he turned around.

“What is it?” he asked.

“We were thinking we ought to stop here for a while. Rest, eat, get some more water. We can get going again soon, Gwaine thinks we’re about halfway.”

“Surely that’s more of a reason to-“

“Merlin. You’re exhausted. Come and eat something and we’ll get to Gaius sooner.” Gwen said sternly. Merlin couldn’t help but admit to himself that he was definitely exhausted - it had been a draining day – so reluctantly, he slid off the saddle and went to join them.

***

Arthur heard a knock at the door and waited a while until he realized that he had no Merlin to answer it for him. Perhaps he should learn to do some things himself, especially now that he’s told said manservant that he was in love with him and then ruined everything.

“Arthur?” a deep voice called through the door.

“Come in!” Arthur shouted.

His dark-haired uncle came slinking into his bedroom.

“Arthur, I wondered if I could have a word? It’s a rather delicate matter.”

Internally, Arthur rolled his eyes. It seemed like Agravaine had a new ‘delicate matter’ to discuss every morning.

“Yes, Uncle. What is it?”

“Well…” Agravaine said, as he leaned against Arthur’s four-poster and sighed but with a hint of a smile on his oily features. “It’s about your manservant, Merlin.”

Arthur frowned.

“What is it?”

“You’ve always taken my advice to heart, Arthur, and for that I am forever grateful – as you know, I’ve only ever been concerned for your happiness and the welfare of this kingdom.”

“Yes, yes, Uncle. What did you want to talk to me about?”

“Well, as I said, it’s a delicate matter. It’s just that… I couldn’t help but notice that, since Merlin was injured by those mercenaries, you two have developed... a different sort of relationship.”

Arthur shifted uncomfortably and met his uncle’s eyes.

“I suppose.” Arthur said.

“I can’t help thinking that it’s… inappropriate. I know, of course, you’re the king, sire, and I only want you to be happy but if the public see you with your servant in that way who is also a… well, a man, then they might view you as weak, sire”

Arthur blinked. That had not been what he was expecting.

“You think, because me and Merlin are both men, being with him makes me seem weak?”

“Well, yes, if I’m quite honest, sire. You could be happy with any number of princesses or queens – Princess Mithian, for example!”  
For some reason, Arthur was stunned. Agravaine had always been traditional but… he thought he cared about Arthur enough to put those things aside. Merlin’s voice whispered at the back of his head …’agravaine is the traitor, Arthur’…He shook himself. He didn’t have any proof of that yet, but he did know that right now an immense fury was building up inside of him - at his uncle, at his father, at himself. He’d let Merlin go and said those terrible things to him but hadn’t even listened to what he was trying to tell him. God, he was thick. Suddenly, he was marching purposefully towards the door and away from his prying uncle.

“Arthur? What… where are you going?”

“I’m sorry uncle, but you’re wrong. I could never be happy with someone who I cannot love and now, thanks to my stupidity, I may have lost the person who I do. I have to go find Gaius.”

“Arthur, please! If… if Gaius is the traitor, Merlin may be in on it too! You may be putting yourself in grave danger, Arthur. I’m only trying to look out for my nephew like my sister would have wanted!”

“I am sorry Agravaine, but I’m leaving.”

With that, Arthur left his uncle standing agape in his bedroom and headed to the stables.


	5. the witch's revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apparently i'm so disorganised that i'm just gonna keep adding chapters until i reach the end!

“Lancelot! Thank god. Do you know where Merlin went?”

Lancelot had jumped when Arthur shouted his name across the courtyard, and now the cogs were whirring in his brain as he walked towards him, trying to fabricate some kind of excuse as to why Merlin, Gwaine and Gwen had all left Camelot. To be fair, Arthur had the deduction skills of a four-year old so he doubted it would be that hard to convince him.

“I think Gwaine said that he was escorting Merlin to the Valley of the Fallen Kings to collect a rare herb or flower or something for Gaius, sire.”  
That should do it, right?

“And Gwen? Didn’t she go with them?”

“Yes, uh, she didn’t have much to do around the castle so she thought she’d go help them look.”

“Who were they getting the herbs for again, Lance?” Arthur said, eyes slightly narrowed.

“Gaius, sire.” Lancelot said, then his face tensed as he realized his mistake.

“Mm, Gaius. Strange. So you’re saying Gaius is here, in Camelot, asking for herbs to be brought to him?” Arthur said.

Shit. Lancelot had really thought he was a better liar than this. Arthur raised his eyebrows.

“Lance, I’m an idiot sometimes, I’ll give you that, but I’m not that stupid.”

Lancelot sighed.

“Yes, alright, they’re not collecting herbs.”

“Will you take me to them?”

Lancelot hesitated, but then remembered how Merlin’s face whitened when Lancelot had even mentioned Arthur’s name before he left.

“I’m sorry, Arthur, but Merlin doesn’t want your help.”

“Lance, I know, I was a twat, a complete idiot, and I messed everything up but I need to see him. I need to say sorry. I need to help find Gaius. Please, Lancelot, just tell me where he is.”

After a moment of back and forth in Lancelot’s mind, he decided to tell him. He knew that Merlin told him not to, but he cared about Merlin more than anyone else and he knew that the only way he could be truly happy was if he was with Arthur again, because he’d never seen a pair of people fall more stupidly in love and willingly sacrifice everything for each other than Merlin and Arthur. If making sure that Arthur made it up to Merlin meant breaking his promise, he supposed he could be a little less noble than normal just this one time.

Three hours later, Lancelot and Arthur were well on their way to the Ridge of Kemeray, having taken a few shortcuts thanks to Arthur knowing every inch of Camelot like the back of his hand and by following the smoking remnants of fire they’d spotted in the forest on top of the ridge. Arthur and Lancelot were nothing if not noble, stubborn and devoted to their friends, so they’d decided to ride on no matter what, feeling their horses tire beneath them from the constant galloping.

Soon they had reached the ridge, and Arthur dismounted to check the fire.

“Still warm. We must be close.” he called to Lancelot.

“Let’s keep going then. We should be able to get there before nightfall.”

***

Finally, Gwen, Merlin and Gwaine reached the cave entrance, their boots covered in the same red dirt Merlin had found on the sole of Agravaine’s shoe. Merlin could feel faintly a dark force tugging him in and his instincts told him to get back on the horse and ride for Camelot, but he knew somewhere in those tunnels was Gaius, hurt, scared, alone. Bracing himself, he took Gwen’s hand and she grabbed Gwaine’s, and he led them into the crimson darkness.

“Merlin,” Gwaine hissed, “Can’t you do your magic fire thing? Might be helpful.”

“Shush” Merlin replied, then whispered “Forbearnan” into his closed hand and watched a small orange flame flicker into being in the centre of his palm, slower than usual as the dark magic he sensed nearby pressed into him. The flames lit a few metres of tunnel ahead of them and Merlin pulled the others deeper into the caves until he heard faint voices ahead. 

He turned to Gwaine and Gwen, pressing a finger to his lips, and extinguished the light in his hand. The voices were unfamiliar and by the faint glow on the stretching around the corner, it looked as if they held torches. Strangely, the tug of magic Merlin felt in his gut didn’t draw him round the corner, but ahead, further into the black. That must be where Morgana was, and if Morgana was there, the likelihood was that Gaius was with her.  
He motioned to Gwaine and Gwen to back up until they were a safe distance away from the voices.

“I can sense Morgana. I need to continue down this tunnel. Do you think you two can hold off the guards?”

Gwaine nodded, his face serious for once. Gwen grabbed Merlin’s sleeve.

“Merlin, this is Morgana we’re talking about. You can’t face her on your own!”

Merlin squeezed her hand.

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me. You two just take care of those guards, and keep an eye out for Agravaine, will you? We don’t where he’ll be lurking.”

“Alright.” Gwen replied, her lips pressed together worriedly.

“Be careful, Merl. We’ll come find you.” Gwaine said and threw an arm around Merlin’s neck, planting a kiss on his temple, then pulling Gwen back towards the glow of the burning torches ahead. Merlin followed silently behind, then when they drew their swords and rushed round the corner, Merlin slipped past into the darkness. He felt a tug of worry for his friends but he knew they could take care of themselves. Gwen could take any of the knights apart if she wanted to, and Gwaine, well… Gwaine was Gwaine. 

As he ventured further into the tunnels, his sense of foreboding increased and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. Morgana was near.

***

With a last glance back at Merlin as he faded into the black, Gwaine let go of Gwen’s hand and drew his sword, then, with a yell, charged around the corner to face the two brutish guards with torches and shimmering axes at their belts. Gwen’s sword glinted behind him, and they both thrust their blades into the fight. After almost no time at all, the two men lay still on the cold stone floor and pools of dark blood spread into the red dust surrounding them. 

“I’m impressed,” Gwaine said with raised eyebrows, eyeing Gwen slightly warily.

“Not too bad yourself.” Gwen said, “Come on, let’s go find Gaius.”

***

After hours of riding ferociously through hail, rain and fierce wind and having fought off a few stray bandits, Lancelot and Arthur reached the dark entrance to the Caves of Kemeray. 

“Here we are,” Arthur said grimly.

They lowered themselves off their horses and led them over to clump of trees, far enough away from the caves that it was unlikely anyone aiding Morgana would spot them, at least for now. Luckily, there was a small stream nearby so Lancelot made sure the horses could drink from it and fed them both an apple after the exhausting ride.

“Right. Do we have a plan?” Lancelot said as the pair stood staring into the caves with furrowed brows. 

“Not so far, no. I say we just wing it. Our aim is to find Gaius and the others, no matter what.”

“No matter what.” Lancelot repeated, “Alright, let’s go.”

***

Gwen suddenly found herself being pushed back against a wall by Gwaine’s flailing arm and felt him flatten himself against the stone next to her. 

“Gwaine!” she exclaimed and then felt his hand go over her mouth. Her eyes widened in outrage as she stared at him and raised her foot to kick him where it hurt until she saw him gesture to his ear urgently. She strained her ears and heard that Gwaine was right – there was someone just round the corner – but she punched his arm anyway.

“Ow!” he mouthed, removing his hand from her mouth.

Gwen smiled sarcastically at him and then gestured for him to glance round the corner and see who it was. He rolled his eyes and slowly moved forward to look, then moved back quickly with gritted teeth. He looked at Gwen and she nodded, seeing the anger in Gwaine’s eyes

“Agravaine?” she mouthed. 

“Agravaine.” he mouthed in return.

“Is he alone?”

“Looks like it.”

Gwen felt a similar sense of fury building up at his treachery, which they’d always suspected but never knew for sure, and she nodded briefly.

Simultaneously, they strode into the opening and Gwen almost walked straight into Gwaine’s back when he stopped abruptly, staring at something in front of him. Gwen went to stand next to him and saw what he was staring at. Gaius was lying unconscious on a vast stone slab and Agravaine was standing over him, holding a dagger to his throat.

“Agravaine!” Gwaine shouted.

Agravaine whipped around and saw Gwaine with his sword pointed directly at Agravaine’s chest.

“It was you. You abducted him.” Gwen said, her blood boiling.

“What? No!”

“Then what are you doing?” Gwen asked calmly, trying to control her own anger as she watched Gwaine warily in case he let his fury get the better of him too soon.

“He’s unconscious, I’m trying to help!” Agravaine protested.

“With that?” Gwaine said, his jaw clenched tightly.

“I want to see if he’s still breathing,” he replied, almost sounding sincere.

“And is he?” Gwaine demanded with his blade now pressing against Agravaine’s throat.

“Just. You can see the breath is still on the blade, look.” Agravaine said, holding the dagger up for Gwaine. “Now do you believe me?”

“And how did you know he was here?” Gwaine persisted, though Gwen frowned at what she thought was a hint of doubt in his voice. Agravaine was silent for a moment and Gwen could almost see the cogs whirring in his tiny little brain.

“Guards on the western gate saw you and Gwen leave with Merlin. Knowing Merlin’s concern for Gaius, I thought there must be some new information at hand, so I just followed your trail.” he blurted, trying his best to sound affronted. To Gwen’s shock, Gwaine stood still for a moment then began to lower his sword. 

“Gwaine!” Gwen hissed. 

“Maybe I’m an idiot sometimes, but do you really think I’d believe that bullshit?” Gwaine said, and Gwen breathed a sigh of relief. “Gwen, could you check on Gaius? I’ll deal with this thing.” 

Suddenly, Agravaine lunged forward with his dagger, but before he could reach Gwaine, Gwen had plunged her sword into his stomach and at that exact moment, Arthur came running round the corner. 

“Uncle!” he shouted in horror and ran towards Agravaine’s limp body.

He’d barely grasped his uncle’s arms when Agravaine began to convulse with a grotesque sort of laughter, blood spraying from his mouth and dripping from his stomach. 

“Uncle? It’s alright, we’ll get you back to Camelot and-"

“Arthur, he’s-“ Gwen tried to interject.

“You stupid boy,” Agravaine rasped, still laughing. “You really think I wanted to help you? Your father murdered my- my sister. You fell for all my little tricks… didn’t you…” 

“What… what are you talking about?” Arthur said, frozen in place. Agravaine’s eyes, devoid of any regret, flickered closed then open again to meet Arthur’s. 

“Morgana…” he gurgled. “I serve her, and only her. We both have the same goal, you see… We both want you dead.”

Arthur rose suddenly, his face lined with fury and grief, and dropped Agravaine to the floor. 

Agravaine’s eyes closed with a faint smile on his lips, but then he grasped at Gwaine’s leg in a final act of cowardice.

“Wait!” he spluttered, “Please, I take it back, I don’t – you can’t let me die, Arthur, please, I’m you… I’m your family…” 

Gwaine shook his leg with a look of disgust and the dark light left Agravaine’s eyes as he fell still. 

“You alright, Arthur?” Gwaine asked, his hand on Arthur’s shoulder. Arthur shook it off and walked over to face the wall silently, then suddenly slammed his fists against it and roared, his voice raw and broken, making Gwen jump. 

“Arthur-“ Gwen began.

“Is Gaius alright?” he asked, his forehead resting against the wall.

“He’s alive. Exhausted, and he has a few injuries, but alive. He’ll be alright.”

“Good. That’s- that’s good. He’s alright. He’s alright.” Arthur muttered, more to himself than anyone else.

“Arthur, Merlin won’t-“

“Merlin!” Arthur whirled around. “Where is he?”

“He went after Morgana. But Arthur, you have to be careful. Morgana will only be more powerful by now.”

“And Merlin’s gone to face her alone? That idiot!” Arthur yelled. Gwen and Gwaine glanced at each other.

“Merlin’s braver than you think, Arthur. I’m sure he’s fine. I was just saying to watch yourself, that’s all. Let me go with you.” Gwaine said.

“No. You and Gwen need to get Gaius out of here. Get him on a horse and take him straight back to Camelot.”

“But Arthur-“

“Now. Go!”

***

After what felt like hours of stumbling in the darkness, lit only for short periods by Merlin’s flames for him then to be plunged into darkness again every time he thought he heard voices, he reached the place where he could feel miles of rock pressing down from above him and dark magic whispering at his skin. This was the place. He closed his fist around the fire in his palm and slowly edged forward towards a dimly lit hole in the rock to his left. 

The gap came up to Merlin’s chest so he had to crouch to peer in, all his senses burning. He couldn’t see anyone in there but he felt such a strong pull in that he knew she must be there somewhere. Slowly, he lifted one foot at a time into the gap and ducked his head under to enter an almost perfectly circular room that was completely empty. Merlin frowned and squinted his eyes to gaze into the far edges of the room but there was no-one there. 

“Merlin! How thoughtful of you to pay me a visit in my new accommodation. What do you think?”

Merlin turned quickly at her voice then stood still and silent, staring at Morgana as she walked slowly towards him, the black lace of her dress skimming the stone floor, almost floating. She hadn’t been there a moment ago – it was as if she’d materialised from the shadows.

Without waiting for an answer, Morgana continued.

“The walls are a bit bare, of course, but I have plenty of people more than willing to help me out with anything I require. Interior decorating, kidnapping useless old men, murdering kings and servants alike…” She paused, a wicked smile playing across her face. “I like to do some of those things myself, though. Where’s the fun in letting men do all the dirty work for you? They tend to be so… unoriginal.”

Merlin saw a flash of sliver and Morgana’s arm move, and when he raised his hand to his cheek, he felt blood. Morgana tutted under her breath.

“You’re getting rather slow, old friend. But really, what should I do with these walls?” she said, tapping her dagger on the dark red rock. “I thought perhaps a royal head would look nice here, blonde hair and blue eyes preferably – we’ll have to do something about the blood though… how about we put your head just here below him, to soak it up? You’ve always been so good at that – cleaning up after Arthur, bowing to him, attending to his every need…”

She turned away from the wall and smiled at Merlin.

“Look, Morgana, I haven’t got all day. If you’re going to try to kill me, I suggest you start soon - I’m getting bored.” Merlin said, forcing an exasperated tone though underneath he could feel his heart beating faster and faster. He could sense something coming - the way Morgana was talking; it was as if she knew. 

“You know, Merlin, I always thought there was something about you. Something different.” she continued, ignoring him. “Something that you and I had in common. Not just that you are obviously gay, it was something else. And now… well, now I know.”  
She smiled sinisterly and traced her finger down the side of Merlin’s face and across his wound. They were so close now that her breath brushed his cheeks and he could see every tastebud when she opened her mouth and wiped his blood down her tongue, her pale lips closing around her finger delicately. Merlin closed his eyes briefly.

“Know what, Morgana?” he said through gritted teeth.

“You’ve always been an annoyance, Merlin, always getting in the way of my plans, but now I know just how much. Gaius has just been telling me a few things about you, that’s all. Very, very interesting things. After a little persuasion, of course. Do you want to guess what we were talking about, Emrys?”

***

“So you know. Took you long enough. Of course, who would’ve thought that a worthless servant could wield more power than you ever will?”

Merlin felt a small feeling of satisfaction as he saw a flicker of anger pass across Morgana’s face, until he felt himself being flung against the wall, Morgana’s laughter reverberating in his skull.

“You really think you are more powerful than me? I am the last High Priestess of the Old Religion! I wield magic that is far beyond what you could ever hope to comprehend! Perhaps you have your special tricks that have allowed you to escape my clutches in the past and save your little prince, but now I know your secret, Emrys.” She stood over him, her eyes full of fiery chaos and hatred. “How could I ever have been scared of you? You’re nothing but a weak little boy, willing to give everything up for love.”

She spat out the last word like it was poison, and knelt next to Merlin, leaning down so her mouth was next to his ear.

“And it’ll all be for nothing,” she whispered. “I’ll kill you, and then my dear brother will have no magical boyfriend to keep him safe anymore. I’ll get what’s rightfully mine, and you and Arthur and all that have stood in my way will rot in the ground beneath my feet.”  
Morgana drew the sword that she had forged in Aithusa’s breath the moment Gaius had told her who Emrys was and stood up. She smiled down at Merlin and raised the sword above his chest.

“Goodbye, Merlin.”

***

Arthur crouched behind the cold stone wall, the muscles in his legs taut ready to push him into action. He was breathless from sprinting around the tunnels hunting for Morgana, not knowing what she could be doing to Merlin, his mind conjuring gory visions of Merlin lying lifeless on the ground, forever believing Arthur had abandoned him. He drew his sword silently and listened, flat against the stone. Behind it, he could hear Morgana’s voice echoing faintly through the hole just beside him, and he peered through the gap to see where Merlin was.

***

Merlin looked at Morgana and a shadow smile passed across his face. Morgana’s arms froze above him and in an instant the sword had flown out of her hands and clanged against the stone wall. He pushed himself up slowly and stood facing her.

“Forþ fleoge!”

Morgana was flung backwards and now it was Merlin’s turn to stand over her. He couldn’t help but feel a twinge of regret. Perhaps if he’d helped her understand her gifts a long time ago, none of this would have happened. Perhaps all of this was his fault. Then he remembered what Kilgarrah had said, long before Morgana had become what she is now: 

“The ancient prophecies speak of the witch and her power. They say she is fated to divide the lands of Albion and unite the forces of evil to bring about Arthur’s doom.”

Morgana was destined for this path long before she nor Merlin was alive to change it. Perhaps Merlin could have made it better, could have helped her, but it was too late now. She had caused too much pain, too much suffering. It could not go on.

“We do have much in common, Morgana, but there is one way in which I could never be like you. I am not ashamed to love. That’s where you went wrong. You thought that by forgiving, by having friends and family, by loving people, you were weakening yourself. You isolated yourself and saw anyone who helped or hindered you as dispensable. Now look. You’re alone.” 

Morgana tried to reach for her sword but Merlin kicked it away. 

“The time for all this bloodshed is over, Morgana. I blame myself for what you’ve become, and I’m so sorry I couldn’t help you, couldn’t stop you from filling with all this hatred… but this has to end.”

He pulled Excalibur from his sheath. At the last minute, before they’d left for the caves, he’d taken the sword from the armoury, just in case. 

“I’m a high priestess, Merlin. No mortal blade can kill me.” Morgana breathed, though Merlin saw fear in her eyes. Merlin plunged the sword into her stomach.

“This is no mortal blade, Morgana. Like yours, it was forged in a dragon’s breath.”

He pushed the sword in deeper, and Morgana gasped.

“Goodbye Morgana.”

He pulled the sword out of her and she slumped to the floor, her breathing ragged and her eyes flickering closed. Suddenly, Merlin heard a sound behind him and he whirled around to see Arthur standing frozen in the doorway.

***

Merlin stared at Arthur with something close to hatred in his eyes, his fists clenched by his sides. He opened his mouth as if to shout, to scream, but in a moment his mouth closed and he shook his head slowly.

“Well, now you know Arthur. Now you know.” he muttered bitterly, and walked swiftly away from him, out of the red cave darkened with shadows. Arthur stood stock still in the same position he’d been when Merlin pushed himself up from the dusty stone floor, when his eyes burned with orange fire and Morgana was flung backwards into the wall, when he drew a sword that glowed powerfully in the dim light and thrust it into Morgana’s stomach. Merlin was a sorcerer and he’d killed Morgana. Merlin had magic, after all this time, all these years thinking he knew everything about him… Merlin had magic. He had magic.

Something jolted in the Arthur’s chest and his legs sprung into movement, carrying him almost subconsciously after Merlin. He ran through the twists and turns of Kemeray, hearing the dull thuds of his boots echo against the crimson rock. Finally, he saw faded red cotton and black hair turn a corner ahead of him. 

“Merlin! Merlin, wait!”

He caught up with him, breathless and flushed, in a dimly lit opening in the cave’s tunnels.

“Don’t run away again. Let me just… let me just talk to you.” Arthur said, breathing heavily.

It hit Arthur like a brick when Merlin turned to face him and he saw how incredibly tired Merlin looked, how resigned and miserable his eyes were as they gazed at the ground. He’d never seen Merlin like that before, so… so hopeless. All because of him.

“Merlin, just- I don’t know what to say. I had no idea about… about your magic and I would never had said those things if… if I had known, I- I- I’m sorry, I don’t- I didn’t mean-”

“Arthur, just don’t.” Merlin said weakly. “You’re ashamed of me and what we are already. The way you treat me, talk to me when we’re around people who don’t know… it hurts. I wish it didn’t but it does, and now you hate me as well as being ashamed, because of this. Because of the way I was born.”

“Merlin- “

“It’s alright, sire. I understand. I don’t want to be angry at you anymore. It’s how you were raised and I don’t expect you to change just for me, but I can’t work for you, be with you, knowing you resent me for something I can’t change, something that is ingrained in everything I am and everything I do.” Merlin steeled his features and forced himself not to cry. He couldn’t let Arthur do that to him again. It hurt so much knowing that he’d have to pretend again, even more than before now that Arthur knew about his magic and yet would never change. 

The fury had seeped away and all that was left was an immense weariness. He felt like a toddler that just wanted to crawl into his mother’s arms and stay there until all the bad things went away. He’d go back to Ealdor if he could, to do just that and to find comfort in the village that he once held dearest, but he had changed now. Hunith’s warmth couldn’t heal his heart or make him forget, and the things he held dearest were no longer in Ealdor. They were in Camelot, the place that had given him a purpose and yet taken so much from him, and he knew, despite everything and above anything else, he couldn’t leave Arthur. It stung, realizing that even when Arthur had beaten him down until he’d despised himself and the talents he was born with, he would still do anything for him. 

Suddenly, arms were around his neck and Arthur was holding him tightly.

“Merlin, I- I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Merlin noted the thickness in Arthur’s voice and pulled away to see a tear sliding down his cheek. It shocked him – in all the years he’d known Arthur, he’d never seen him cry - he supposed, growing up with Uther, crying must have been near treason.

“Merlin, I don’t expect you to forgive me. What I said to you, what I did to Gaius and trusting Agravaine over you – I’ve been so wrong.”

“Arthur I – I don’t understand.”

“I don’t care that you have magic. I wish… I wish you could have told me, but I understand why you didn’t, after everything… I just- I don’t know what I’d do without you, Merlin. I need you with me, always, and I’m guessing that I probably owe my life to you a hundred times over.”

“You can say that again.” Merlin muttered. “Arthur, I don’t want you to say that if you don’t really mean it. I don’t want you to tell me all of this now and then be ashamed of me when we return to Camelot, that would be too painful. Just tell me now and I- I’ll just walk away. Just- “

“Merlin.” Arthur said quietly, taking his hand. “I mean it. You were right, before, about my father, about how cruel he was. I just couldn’t see it because, well, he raised me, I suppose, and… well, if you have magic then I know for sure he was wrong about everything, and so was I. After all, it can’t be that hard to wield magic if you can do it, right?”

“Uh, I’ll have you know that the prophecies call me the greatest sorcerer to ever walk this earth, thank you very much, and this sorcerer has had to save your arrogant ass more times than I can count!”

“Oh really?” Arthur remarked, and then pulled Merlin into another hug. “I really am sorry, Merlin.”

Merlin gripped Arthur tightly and felt relief wash over him.

“I know.”

They stayed like that for a while, holding each other tightly and feeling something form again even stronger than it was before, like some sort of invisible string that loving hands wound tighter and thicker as it tied the two together; one single thread of gold that had been fraying as it was stretched and pulled taut, but now lay, spooling on the floor beneath them, a glowing, beautiful connection that could never be severed, and in the centre of it all was one single gold coin with two opposite sides.

Suddenly, Arthur froze in Merlin’s arms.

“Arthur?” Merlin said tentatively, as Arthur pulled away. “You’re not going to say you hate me again, are you?”

“No,” Arthur said, eyes wide and smiling, “I’m going to say I want to marry you.”

“You- I- what? You- you want to- marriage?” Merlin spluttered. Did Arthur just say he wanted to marry him? Was this a dream? Was he hallucinating? It had been a long day…  
Arthur laughed and hit Merlin’s arm.

“Come on Merlin, get yourself together. It makes sense, doesn’t it? I know it’s a bit fast after everything that’s happened over the last couple of days, but I love you Merlin, so so much, and I can’t imagine my life without you in it. So… marry me?”

Merlin laughed disbelievingly, eyes shining brightly.

“Arthur, you realize that would make me king, right?”

“I know, god save us all.” Arthur said, and Merlin shoved him lightly, rolling his eyes. “Is that a yes then?”

“Yes, of course yes, you clotpole, I’ll marry you!”

Arthur took Merlin’s face in his hands and kissed him, an overwhelming sense of joy filling him up and beginning to heal all the hurt he’d caused him. Merlin held Arthur’s neck and smiled into the kiss as Arthur’s arms circled his waist. He couldn’t believe it – they were going to get married.

***

Finally, they pulled apart, and Arthur ventured back into the caves to scout out Gwaine while Merlin went outside to get the horses ready. He felt so incredibly tired after a day in which he felt like he’d been through every emotion in the book, but at the same time inexplicably happy. Perhaps everything had to go wrong for things to be right, for him to finally live in the open, completely and utterly himself, with the man he loved by his side. Morgana was gone; he was to marry Arthur Pendragon; Albion could at last be united, and people born with magic like him would be free.

Outside the caves, fading sunlight dappled across Merlin’s face and he smiled, absorbing the peace and warmth, letting the cool breeze fill his lungs as he breathed in the last moment that he was ever truly happy.

***

Merlin was climbing onto his horse when he saw it happen. The moment that would remain etched into his mind from that day on, waiting for him every time he closed his eyes or touched the chain that lived by his heart. Arthur walking out of the caves towards him; Merlin pausing with one foot in the stirrup to meet his soft blue eyes, noticing the absence of lingering sadness or anger in his stomach as he did; instead, seeing a blur of dark curls and pale skin stumbling into him.

“Arthur!”

Merlin lunged towards him as his eyes burned deep orange and Morgana was blasted backwards into the rock face, crumpling into the damp earth. His foot caught in the stirrup, he fell forwards but not before he saw a glint of silver and heard Arthur’s gasp. He heard knees thudding to the earth and pushed himself up to see the thing he’d always feared – Morgana’s sword embedded into Arthur’s side.

***


End file.
